Jarred Workman, 27, Found Living In 14-Year-Old Girl’s Closet - http://bit.ly/1p8CkEX

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Jarred Workman, 27, Found Living In 14-Year-Old Girl’s Closet

Iredell County, NC — Jarred Workman is facing all kinds of charges after being found living in the closet of a 14-year-old girl he met online.

According to police, Workman met the girl on some social media site and the two began chatting. After messaging back and forth for a few weeks, a meeting between the two was set up in a wooded area near the teen’s home.

Investigators have reason to believe the teen invited Workman inside her bedroom, and soon after apparently agreed to let him live in her closet.

“During the day he was either in her closet or in her bedroom, and when she would come home from school or on the weekend or whatever, he would come out on evenings,” said Det. Lt. Bill Hamby with the Iredell County Sheriff’s Office.

Fast forward five days from when he first moved in – mom was in the kid’s room, putting shit away, and found the strange man hanging out in the closet. Oh, and do keep in mind that during those five days, Workman is alleged to have had sex with the girl numerous times.

“I asked him who he was and he said his name was Jarred Workman and that he was 19,” mom said. That was before she chased him out of the room, down the stairs, out of the house and into the woods.

Fucker was in such a hurry to get away from that woman he left his wallet and cellphone behind.

Workman turned himself into authorities yesterday, and has since been charged with 11 counts of statutory rape and five counts of statutory sex offense.

“The internet has just ruined that poor girl. She was very taken advantage of,” the girl’s mother said. “I’m uncomfortable in my own home. I’m scared. I can’t sleep at night.”

Man Accused Of Sexually Assaulting ATM, Picnic Table - http://bit.ly/1mR5OYe

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Man Accused Of Sexually Assaulting ATM, Picnic Table

Murfreesboro, TN –A 49-year-old man was taken into custody late last week, charged with public intoxication, after he was seen bumping uglies with an ATM and a picnic table. Giggity.

Sex machine Lonnie Hutton reportedly walked into The Boro Bar & Grille Friday evening, and headed straight to the ATM. Then, according to witnesses, Hutton dropped his pants and undies, exposing his genitals, and attempted to make sweet, sweet love to the money machine.

No word on whether an actual deposit was made…..

When he was finished, Hutton then moseyed around the bar for a while, his junk just a bouncin’ and a swingin’, making thrusting motions with his hips, witnesses told police.

He was promptly escorted outside.

When police arrived on scene, Hutton was ordered to sit his drunk ass down at a picnic table while they collected information from the reporting party. It was then that Hutton allegedly disrobed and attempted to get his freak on with the table.

Hutton was arrested after being deemed a danger to himself and 90% of the inanimate objects within his field of vision. Bond was set at $250.

Speaking of picnic table fuckers, raise your hand if you remember Art Price. One of my faves, that one. If you have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about, click right here. Enjoy.

Man Arrested After Video Captures Him Throwing Toddler In Pool As Punishment - http://bit.ly/1jMXXW1

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Man Arrested After Video Captures Him Throwing Toddler In Pool As Punishment

PHOENIX, AZ – Corey McCarthy has been arrested for child abuse after he was captured on surveillance video throwing his 23-month-old daughter into a swimming pool as a form of punishment.

In the video, McCarthy can be seeing chucking Mia out into the pool as a woman swims after her. His reason? It was to teach the toddler not to throw things in the pool… like the puppy she dropped in the pool that later died.

According to the child’s mother, Samantha, she and McCarthy have dated off an on for the last ten years and have two children together. She says that McCarthy has not played a big role in Mia’s life and was just babysitting her on the day of the incident.

According to Samantha, the video you are seeing only shows part of what McCarthy did to punish the toddler.

“You see him taunting her, like throwing her like he’s gonna, then he’s not, throwing her like he’s gonna, then he’s not,” Samantha said. “What people don’t know is also in the beginning of the video, he hoses her down with a water hose to kind of torture her that way.”

Police decided to charge McCarthy with child abuse because in the state of Arizona, child abuse includes unreasonable discipline – like throwing a child in a swimming pool as a form of punishment.

Mia’s family says that the girl is doing fine physically, but for a while she was scared of taking baths or showers.

“It was scary at first because you want to think she’s never going to have to remember that; she was too young,” said Mia’s aunt. “We’re never going to know until she’s able to tell us, but for now she’s showing no signs, so that’s good.”

McCarthy was last reported as being in the jail’s infirmary. According to family members, he got his ass beat in jail shortly after he was booked.

Teen Charged After Video Posted Online Shows Him Assaulting Elderly Teacher - http://bit.ly/1lEFWw1

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Teen Charged After Video Posted Online Shows Him Assaulting Elderly Teacher

HOUSTON, TX – Police have charged a 16-year-old student at Nimitz High School after he became upset with his substitute teacher taking his phone, that he pushed the 66-year-old woman onto the ground.

Two separate videos taken inside the classroom show the 6 foot 3. 325 lbs student standing up and pushing Beverly Round three times, the final push sending Round to the floor. The student allegedly became angry with Round because she’d taken away his phone after he was caught texting in class.

After the assault, the student walked himself to the principal’s office to turn himself in. He was subsequently arrested and charged with injury to the elderly.

Aldine ISD released the following statement:

“Aldine Independent School District police on Thursday filed a criminal charge of injury to an elderly person against a 16-year-old male student. The charge stems from an incident that occurred Thursday afternoon at Nimitz High School when a substitute teacher confiscated the student’s cell phone. The student is accused of physically shoving the substitute teacher to the ground and then retrieving his cell phone. Other students witnessed the incident and immediately reported it to school officials, who then summoned an ambulance and the campus-based police officer. The substitute teacher, who is a retired Aldine teacher, was treated at a local hospital and then released.”

According to one of Round’s neighbors, Round had expressed her fear at going back to teach at the school “because the kids were so bad.”

What gets to me most about all this isn’t the student assaulting Round over his cell phone, as bad as that is, it’s all the cheering going on by the other students in the classroom as he does it.

Brothers Arrested For Cannibalizing Young Child - http://bit.ly/1jetCUN

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Brothers Arrested For Cannibalizing Young Child

LAHORE, Pakistan - Pakistani police have arrested 2 brothers accused of cannibalizing a freshly buried 3-year-old toddler after the head of the child was found at their home.

Known cannibals, Farman Ali and Mohammad Arif, were taken into custody after neighbors complained of a deathly stench emitting from the pair’s residence. Police raided the house and found the remains of the child, including the head.

Arif admitted to chopping up the body, boiling the flesh into a curry, and then devouring the entree (I wonder what flavor of chutney they used). He blamed the grave robbing on his bro.

“Zafar Iqbal, a police official, said that the men’s wives and family members had left them some years ago and both were living in the house in isolation.”

Both Arif and Ali are no strangers to cannibal kitchen endeavors. Back in 2011, the brothers were arrested for robbing the grave of a 24-year-old woman who died of cancer. The body of the woman was found (with both legs mutilated) next to a giant pot of boiling meat curry.

Police official, Fakhar Bhatti, who led the 2011 raid on the brothers’ home said, “In the middle of the room, I saw a cooking pot which was half full of meat curry. Nearby was a wooden board, a butcher’s axe and a large kitchen knife. Bits of fat clung to the board and the blade of the axe.”

A trail of ants were spotted leading away from the food to assorted body parts and bags of fertilizer left under a bed.

According to police, it was rumored that both men had been shopping at a local graveyard and had exhumed and eaten more than 100 corpses.

Surprisingly, (insert very dry sarcasm) there is no specific Pakistani law against cannibalism. So the Iron Chef Bros got off with 2 charges each of desecrating a corpse and public order offenses. Those charges carried a prison term of 2-years (with early release if they did not volunteer for kitchen duty).

Authorities have said that both brothers will undergo psychiatric tests prior to sentencing.

Tieralyn Angelie Arrested After Video Of Her Abusing Baby Posted On Facebook - http://bit.ly/1gEnqqt

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Tieralyn Angelie Arrested After Video Of Her Abusing Baby Posted On Facebook

BEAUMONT, TX – Police have arrested 27-year-old Tieralyn Angelie after one of her neighbors caught her on video repeatedly slapping the shit out of her 8-month-old baby.

The man said called 911 and started filming Angelie slapping her infant after he heard the sounds of her slapping the baby from across the street. “It was kind of loud for me to hear with my door closed,” explained Hakim. “That’s what made my heart just fall. It was too hard.”

However, when police arrived, they left without arresting Angelie because her baby didn’t show any signs of injuries. “They went up to the house and looked at the baby and came back out. Five minutes, and they were gone. Nobody asked to look at the video or anything,” said Hakim who added he notified 911 that he had video of the abuse.

It wasn’t until after Hakim posted the video online that authorities got involved. Two days after the video was posted to his Facebook, drawing outrage from the public, police arrested Angelie for violating her probation on an unrelated burglary charge.

Child Protective Services also got involved after the media alerted them to the video. They have since taken the baby into their custody. “If somebody sees a child being abused or neglected and they have the opportunity to take video with their cell phone, please do,” said CPS spokeswoman Shari Pulliam. “What this guy did, I can’t thank him enough. I’d like to meet him in person and thank him for what he did.”

Girl, 10, Allegedly Raped By Brother And Sister Duo In Elementary School Restroom - http://bit.ly/1sGB4ZW

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Girl, 10, Allegedly Raped By Brother And Sister Duo In Elementary School Restroom

Oklahoma City, OK — A 10-year-old girl has claimed that she was sexually assaulted by an 8-year-old boy and his 10-year-old sister in an elementary school restroom.

According to the child’s mother, she was waiting in the pick-up line at Edgemere Elementary, when her child came out of the school, shaking and crying. When asked why she was so upset, the girl reportedly responded, “Mama, they touched me down there.”

The girl went on to tell her mother the two ganged up on her in the bathroom. The boy, she said, pulled his pants down, then hers. He then allegedly sexually assaulted her while his older sister held her down.

The girl said she began screaming, but was threatened with physical harm. She stopped resisting, the child’s mother said, because she was outnumbered.

The girl and her mother were escorted to a local hospital where a rape exam was conducted. That exam apparently confirmed her injuries were consistent with sexual assault.

“I’m not just blaming the kids, I blame the teachers that are supposed to protect our kids when they’re at school.” said the mother.

Officials with the Oklahoma City School District notified police immediately after learning of the alleged assault and are said to be fully cooperating with the investigation. 

Tim Lambesis, Singer For As I Lay Dying, Gets Six Years For Hiring Hitman To Kill Wife - http://bit.ly/1hTZtGo

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Tim Lambesis, Singer For As I Lay Dying, Gets Six Years For Hiring Hitman To Kill Wife

Ocenaside, CA – Tim Lambesis, the 32-year-old lead singer for As I Lay Dying, has been sentenced to six years in prison for hiring a hitman to kill his estranged wife.

Last year, police received information that Lambesis was soliciting another individual to kill his wife, Meggan, who had filed for divorce and lived with three Ethiopian children the couple had adopted.

According to the San Diego Sheriff’s Department, “The Encinitas Detectives, The San Diego Fugitive Task Force and the Sheriff’s Special Investigation Division investigators immediately initiated an investigation. The investigation culminated, when Lambesis solicited an undercover detective to kill his wife.”

What Lambesis did was offer an undercover sheriff’s deputy $1,000 to kill Meggan and even gave the “hitman” his wife’s address along with the security code to her front door.  His reason? Meggan allegedly restricted his visits with their children and he didn’t want her getting a large share of his income in a divorce settlement.

His attorney said Lambesis was not in his right mind during the time he was trying to hire someone to kill his wife, and that his behavior was the result of steroid abuse. Lambesis would eventually plead guilty to the charges in February and on Friday, he was sentenced to six years in prison. He also has to deal with the $2 million civil suit Meggan has filed against him.

As for the rest of his band, they’ve formed a new band, Wovenwar, with singer Shane Bay. But don’t count As I Lay Dying out for the count just yet. According to bandmate Jordan Mancino, they may put out some more shitty music in the future.

“As I Lay Dying is sleeping rather than dead,” wrote Mancino. “Tim has acknowledged his guilt and clearly made some bad decisions in a period of time where he acted contrary to the person he’s been most of his life. He believes As I Lay Dying should only pick back up if it’s in a form restored to its roots. For Tim, the potential of pursuing As I Lay Dying again means working on a lot of other more important things in his personal life first.”

Fucking great.

Couple Charged After Their Infant Was Found Dead And Covered With Lice - http://bit.ly/1nXsypb

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Couple Charged After Their Infant Was Found Dead And Covered With Lice

ENID, OK – I was hoping to make it to the end of the week without writing about the corpse of a lice-covered baby, but whatever.

Police have arrested a couple after their six-week-old daughter was found dead and covered with filth and lice.

On Wednesday, a 911 call was made from the home of 46-year-old Mark Cannon and 27-year-old Jennifer Cannon. regarding their infant daughter not breathing.

When police and paramedics arrived at the home they found the infant girl dead and absolutely filthy.

“Dirt in the toenails, fecal matter on the body, and untreated diaper rash along with lice,” said Captain Jack Morris.

The couple told police that they’d been drinking all night and got into an argument that ended with them leaving the house separately.

Mark said when he returned home at around sunrise, he fed the baby and then put her in bed. When he checked on her six and a half hours later, she was cold and not breathing.

Based on the condition of the baby and the fact that the couple were still drunk while being interviewed by police, they were arrested on child neglect charges.

“There was evidence that the neglect had taken course over a period of time,” said Lt. Eric Holtzclaw of the Enid Police Department.

The dead kid’s aunt doesn’t believe a dead baby covered in shit and lice is that big of a deal, based on her surprise that the couple were charged with a crime.

“I don’t know why they would be charging her for neglect because she didn’t do anything wrong,” the aunt said. “As far as I’m concerned, neither one of them did.”

Pending the results of the autopsy, investigators said more charges could be filed. The couple have a one-year-old boy who was taken into protective custody by the Department of Human Services.

Man Filed Restraining Order Against 5-Year-Old Accused Of Bullying His Daughter - http://bit.ly/1mA0tEJ

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Man Filed Restraining Order Against 5-Year-Old Accused Of Bullying His Daughter

PLEASANT PRAIRIE, WI – Parents of a six-year-old girl have filed a restraining order against one of her five-year-old classmates after the boy allegedly told the girl he wanted to slit her throat and watch her bleed.

According to the girl’s father, Brian Metzger, that threat was just one of the many things the boy has reportedly done to bully his daughter while in school at Prairie Lane Elementary School.

“The whole year she’s been dealing with it. There have been other students in the classroom who have been dealing with the same individual,” Metzger said.

Metzger says his daughter has been kicked in the face, and had sand and rocks thrown at her on the playground. Metzger went to the school requesting the boy be removed from the classroom. When nothing changed and the bullying continued, Metzger took matters into his own hands.

He ended up filing a police report as well as filing a temporary restraining order against the five-year-old boy. Only then did the school remove the boy from the class.

“I think they should have done something a lot sooner. They’ve kept him in the same classroom with my daughter throughout this until Wednesday morning because Tuesday night I showed up with a restraining order,” Metzger said.

When some asked why he didn’t talk to the boy’s parents first, Metzger basically said “fuck that, that’s the school’s job.” When school spokesman Tanya Ruder was asked why they waited so long to address the issue, she said “there’s always two sides to every story.”

While that is definitely true, it turns out a second family has filed a police report involving the same boy and were also considering filing a restraining order against him.

A restraining order hearing is set for next Tuesday, but Metzger said he isn’t just hoping the boy is expelled from Prairie Lane Elementary School. “I want him removed from the school district, period,” he said.

The boy’s family have refused to talk to the media.

Upset parents filing restraining orders against alleged bullies is nothing new. Last year, A mother in Colorado filed a restraining order against the 15-year-old girl that beat her daughter in a school cafeteria. The year before, a mother in Kentucky filed a restraining order against the 9-year-old boy she says was bullying her daughter.