New Post has been published on http://www.dreamindemon.com/2013/05/02/jeffery-wagner-charged-after-eating-carpet-lint-at-department-store/

Carpet Munching, You’re Doing It Wrong?

Louisville, KY — Meet Jeffery Wagner, carpet muncher extraordinaire. Well, kinda….

Mr. Wagner was taken into custody on various charges after a peculiar incident at a Burlington Coat Factory in Louisville earlier this week.

According to the police report, officers found the 50-year-old Wagner on his hands and knees in the shoe department, picking at lint in the carpet and eating it. Much to my disappointment, he was apparently fully clothed at the time.

When officers made contact with Wagner, they noted his dilated eyes, slurred speech and unsteady gait. A search of his person revealed a little of this and a little of that – officers found bags of Lortabs, some unknown pills, crystal meth and an unknown white powder.

Wagner reportedly admitted to having smoked a little meth before venturing into the department store. He’s been charged with possession of a controlled substance and public intoxication.

Valparaiso, IN - In an obvious bid to secure a place in the Guinness Book of World Records for drunkenness, a northwest Indiana man was apprehended by police with a blood-alcohol level of 0.552 percent – or roughly seven times the legal limit.

Police say that on Saturday afternoon, a woman reported seeing a man - later identified as James Henderson, 28 - laying on the side of a road. EMS noted that Henderson had several bruises and responding officers reported that Henderson made a “barely-coherent” statement about getting hit by a truck. Police have not yet confirmed whether Henderson was in fact struck by a vehicle.

Henderson faces public intoxication charges as soon as he is released from the hospital. If his release is pending sobriety, he may have some time yet…

It has been reported that Henderson has a ‘history of alcohol-related charges.’ Sadly, it appears that the positive side of his drunkenness has been underreported. Let’s hope that this achievement will change all of that.

Original Article

Austin, TX — Ricardo Luna, 26, was arrested outside of the XTC Men’s Club early Sunday morning, after police say he attempted to pay for his lap dance with crack cocaine.

According to the criminal complaint, deputies were dispatched to the club around 4:00 that morning, after receiving a report claiming Luna tried to pay for his lap dance with crack. While speaking with a bouncer at the club, police learned Luna kicked a member of the security staff and started screaming racial slurs as he was being escorted out of the establishment.

An intoxicated Luna was hesitant about being seated in the back of the patrol car, but complied after being threatened with a tasin’.

On the way to the cop shop, police say Luna began kicking the right rear door in an attempt to escape. The arresting officer then pulled the car over and attempted to secure Luna’s legs with a tarp. He was apparently unsuccessful, and another officer ended up getting kicked in the chest three times. As one officer held Luna’s chest to keep him from headbutting everyone, Luna spit a mixture of blood and saliva on to one of the deputy’s arms and legs, reportedly laughing as he did so.

The officers managed to secure Luna without beating the ever-loving shit out of him, and continued on their way to the cop shop. As they drove, Luna bashed his head against the metal cage until he passed out in the back seat.

Luna’s been booked on charges of retaliation, resiting arrest and harassment of a public servant. Bond was set at $20,000.

No word on whether police found any crack in his possession.

Original Article